Here I want to share my new life experience:
I was a software engineer and was dreaming of a full fledged career, when I realized that I was not the only one who had control over my life.
It was my mom, designing and deciding what am I gonna do next. Well! so months after months and weeks after weeks, that passed, carried the air of my upcoming life.
Parents found a match for me and I got married.
I never really understood that my whole dream of free and independent life was to be shared with someone, on whom I was going to depend for the rest of my life. Why I say "depend" is because, after marriage I came to a different country(where obviously I wanted to come but through my own efforts), and with that came different forms of dependencies.
Now to explain what those dependencies are/were will need me to explain the nature and position of my husband, and it will be quite a long topic to be discussed. Since I am not going into details right now, I can at least give you the glimpse. My husband is a loving, protective, fearful and a busy person.
Since in a new country with a new visa status and a lot of new changes including my identity, I became dependent on him. Dependent to him to the extent that even to buy my sandwich I had to look up to him, (because I didn't owned my credit card, and people don't use cash here (its archaic)!)
For continuous six months, I struggled to accept the new reality. Albeit, my mom might have explained to me that realities change after marriage, I was not taking it easily. I was scared, and thrown aback with everything that came my way, and I became irritable. I lost interest in writing, reading, exploring, doing anything which was new( Before marriage these were my favorite past times). And I also grew in weight!!!!! :(
I was trying to cope with situations and to build new relationships. Although all my new relationships tried best to make me overcome, but I felt that no one understood. You might think: "didn't my husband understand?"
Well, we always struggled to spend time together. As much as he wanted to be with me, our marriage had eaten up all his vacations and he had to work extra hours to compensate.
Actually there is one more thing. Since after marriage I was to come to a place where none of my relatives were around, so we didn't really plan for a honeymoon. Because we thought that the whole point of honey moon is to spend time together, and be away from family, which we already were! But this idea didn't work, because for a situation which could be a honeymoon, needs the couple to spend "time" together. And "TIME" was the only thing we didn't have.
(You know what! I used to think, "what do one needs to know in a person", if he is good, which you can find out in a few talks, that's all is enough. But now I can understand, why people go for a love marriages. Because then they know each other pretty well, and already have glimpses for changes.. so they are not taken aback. I don't say that I regret getting my marriage arranged by parents, cuz in my case we will be busy for a longer time in understanding each other and will have a fresh marriage for longer time which is a good thing.)
Anyways, after these initial months, though I still don't understand him and I don't think he does understand me completely, but I realize"What the heck, we have the whole life left to do this, and we'll keep doing it, we'll fight and come to conclusions and then one day we'll realize that we have become best friends".
Initial period of not just marriage, but of anything, which needs changes and is new, needs effort and time.Getting irritated from time to time is a natural thing for a human being. But coping with all of those and coming out with flying colors is life.
I am still trying reach a peaceful state, and like you can see, I have started writing, so I think I am getting back to where I want to reach.
People around me have tried to help me, and I will always be grateful to them for helping me out. But now I understand this more deeply:
A word of advice: Don't loose faith when you think its a new/hostile situation and you cannot get rid. Actually you can and you will, just be persistent.
Bad times go away as soon as good times.
I was a software engineer and was dreaming of a full fledged career, when I realized that I was not the only one who had control over my life.
It was my mom, designing and deciding what am I gonna do next. Well! so months after months and weeks after weeks, that passed, carried the air of my upcoming life.
Parents found a match for me and I got married.
I never really understood that my whole dream of free and independent life was to be shared with someone, on whom I was going to depend for the rest of my life. Why I say "depend" is because, after marriage I came to a different country(where obviously I wanted to come but through my own efforts), and with that came different forms of dependencies.
Now to explain what those dependencies are/were will need me to explain the nature and position of my husband, and it will be quite a long topic to be discussed. Since I am not going into details right now, I can at least give you the glimpse. My husband is a loving, protective, fearful and a busy person.
Since in a new country with a new visa status and a lot of new changes including my identity, I became dependent on him. Dependent to him to the extent that even to buy my sandwich I had to look up to him, (because I didn't owned my credit card, and people don't use cash here (its archaic)!)
For continuous six months, I struggled to accept the new reality. Albeit, my mom might have explained to me that realities change after marriage, I was not taking it easily. I was scared, and thrown aback with everything that came my way, and I became irritable. I lost interest in writing, reading, exploring, doing anything which was new( Before marriage these were my favorite past times). And I also grew in weight!!!!! :(
I was trying to cope with situations and to build new relationships. Although all my new relationships tried best to make me overcome, but I felt that no one understood. You might think: "didn't my husband understand?"
Well, we always struggled to spend time together. As much as he wanted to be with me, our marriage had eaten up all his vacations and he had to work extra hours to compensate.
Actually there is one more thing. Since after marriage I was to come to a place where none of my relatives were around, so we didn't really plan for a honeymoon. Because we thought that the whole point of honey moon is to spend time together, and be away from family, which we already were! But this idea didn't work, because for a situation which could be a honeymoon, needs the couple to spend "time" together. And "TIME" was the only thing we didn't have.
Anyways, after these initial months, though I still don't understand him and I don't think he does understand me completely, but I realize"What the heck, we have the whole life left to do this, and we'll keep doing it, we'll fight and come to conclusions and then one day we'll realize that we have become best friends".
Initial period of not just marriage, but of anything, which needs changes and is new, needs effort and time.Getting irritated from time to time is a natural thing for a human being. But coping with all of those and coming out with flying colors is life.
I am still trying reach a peaceful state, and like you can see, I have started writing, so I think I am getting back to where I want to reach.
People around me have tried to help me, and I will always be grateful to them for helping me out. But now I understand this more deeply:
A word of advice: Don't loose faith when you think its a new/hostile situation and you cannot get rid. Actually you can and you will, just be persistent.
Bad times go away as soon as good times.
Manjory khud banaya hai ye sachi ?
ReplyDeletemaine hi likha hai.. I dont quite get ur question.. but thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.. :)
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